My Progress

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Monday, June 28, 2010

Weigh In Monday

Not really going to post much. My weight has been fluctuating from 189 to 191 for a while now. My family hasn't been doing too well and need to put our health and well being at top priority.

The few things I have to say are:

  • I am going off of all sugar starting tomorrow. It will be a challenge but, I am excited about it.
  • Tomorrow I will also be starting a bible study from the site, Setting Captives Free. They have a bible study for food addicts. Thought it might do my some good.
  • I have less than 2 weeks until my first 5K. I am super excited about it!
  • I will be keeping up with my workouts although due to my family's health issues it's been 4 days per week at the gym rather than 5/6.
  • I did not partake in any food at work today other than the food I brought in myself.
  • I am hanging in there and will not be giving up. In case anyone doubted me.
Until next time. Thank you all for your encouragement and support. I couldn't do this without you.

Friday, June 25, 2010

I am not sure what happened to me but, I have pretty much lost my motivation. I thought it was because I was sick and my family was sick and I was tired from starting my new job and from getting behind in my household duties. But, I am no longer sick and still haven't found my motivation again. I have went to the gym for an hour Monday through Thursday. I ate really well on Monday and then slowly I have made poor eating choices as the week has progressed. Now, here it is Friday. I did not go to the gym because I had a training session at 6 am and lost my keys and didn't find them in time to go. How frustrating is that?! I was mad! I wanted to go in before work but, my daughter was (still is) having some MAJOR diaper rash issues, more than a rash, she has a yeast infection. It's awful. She slept until 8:30 and she cuddled with me until 9:30 because she was in pain. My child needed me, I am fine with that. I told myself it was ok as long as I was right on with my eating. As the day progressed I wound up eating a cookie and some rice krispy treats. My dinner was bad too. I feel like I have no self-control. I eat the junk at the Children's Center. I am with my kids for lunch and afternoon snack. I have a hard time not partaking in the food when 20 people all around me are eating it. Even if I have brought my own food. I am hoping that writing all this out might help me gain some self-control and I will be able to start fresh on Monday. I am not sure what to do to gain back my self-control. I feel like I have been slipping for about 3 weeks now and if I keep going downhill I am just going to eventually wind up right where I started and I do NOT want that. But, I don't know how to find within me what it takes to make the better choices that I need to make, that I know I am capable of making when I am in the right mindset.

I think I just need to recommit. Commit to eating natural foods, healthful foods, and commit to staying away from simple carbs and sugar foods and processed foods. I was doing extraordinarily well, what happened to me? Maybe that's the thing, maybe I was doing TOO well that I crashed. Or am slowly crashing anyway. I feel like maybe I need a balance but, I have honestly no idea how to balance, I am generally and all or nothing type of girl.

And readers, I love your support and encouragement but, let's not sugar coat this. I am making bad choices. I don't want to read any comments about how I have been doing great and am too hard on myself. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I will admit that yes, sometimes I am too hard on myself. But, this time I am not. It is the reality. The reality is that I have made poor choices for absolutely no reason other than because I have no self-control to deny food that is being eatien in front of me. What's up with that? Frustrates me. I need to get this under control and fast.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Back So Soon

Isn't it funny how one day of being back on track can make all the difference in the results? Ok well not funny but, probably pretty obvious. So, I was pleased when I got on the scale this morning and saw this:

This is me after a day of success with being back on track. Finally a picture right! Sorry it's not a very good one.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Weigh In Monday

There is some good, really good and some bad to report. Most people want bad news first I think so here it is. I am up, yes, I finally got what was coming to me and gained. Yikes! I am at 191.6. I attribute this gain to the terrible funk I have been in created by being super sick with a sinus infection. The sinus infection left me feeling drained of ALL energy. I made it to the gym just once last week and it was only for a 30 minute run on my lunch break. I also ran outside for 21 minutes. That was my first outdoor run and I am pretty proud of making it 21 straight minutes. I could definitely had done more but, I was on my lunch break then too and didn't want too get too yucky to go back to work. I also quit breastfeeding and was in a LOT of pain over the week.

News gets better from here. It's a long post but, I think it will be worth the time reading.

Today, is a new day. I feel 100% better and my energy has been restored. I am on antibiotics and they have been working tremendously well. I am no longer in pain either. I made it to the gym this morning and got my weight training workout done as well as a 30 minute run. It felt great to get back at it and I am really looking forward to a solid week of gym workouts, eating right, and hopefully some outside runs too.

A few weeks back I had mentioned that I stopped journaling my food and I needed to start it again. Well, today I did. I wrote it all down and figured out my total calories. It felt good to have that back in my routine also.

I gave up coffee two weeks ago. I was drinking it every single day. I NEEDED it. Well, I am glad to say that I don't need it any more. I thoroughly miss having it but, I don't depend on it to enjoy my day. I do have tea every now and again. After getting through two weeks without coffee everyday, I have decided that I will have coffee socially. I will never again have it on a daily basis. I feel like since it's something I really enjoy, it would be nice to have it socially. Most of my friends are coffee drinkers and that is really what we do, go to coffee. I was telling a good friend of mine that it feels like I am going against who I am to not have coffee but, I am also really proud of the fact that I gave it up. She reminded me that I, we (because she gave up coffee too) need to give the credit to God because He is the reason why I am able to go without it, why I am able to do this weight loss thing period. She also reminded me that I need to not let things like coffee or my self-control to abstain from coffee not determine who I am. Which, unfortunately, is so easy to do and what I was doing. So, for that reason alone I am glad I gave it up. Now, I really need to focus on giving God the glory with my weight loss and not thinking it's me that is conquering the scale.

This weekend was our anniversary. My lovely, husband, Adam and I have been married for 5 years. To celebrate we went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and also where we had our first date, Chilis. Chilis, where we live is at the mall. So, we decided to go on a mini shopping spree. Adam needed new shorts because he, too, has lost weight and all of his shorts are way too big. I am proud of him for making the changes he has. We are both the same size we were when we got married. I got two summer dresses, that I never would have worn 24 pounds ago. One is even a tube top. I got some leggings. I never felt I could pull off leggings before. I LOVE them! They are so comfortable and even considered wearing them everyday. I also got a pair of sunglasses. Not that weight loss has anything to do with sunglasses, I just needed some new one. It was such a happy day and I am so excited about my new clothes and being in a smaller size. Not only am I in a smaller size, I am now able to shop at stores I shied away from because I felt too fat to wear the clothes that they sold.

Even more great news so, hopefully, you are still with me. I won the 6 Week Biggest Loser Challenge I was doing. I had lost a total of 6.57% over the course of 6 weeks. I am super excited. Everyone had to send in a $10 gift card to the place of their choosing so, my winnings will be an assortment of gift cards. I am super stoked about it.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Weigh In Monday

I have had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. I was visited again by TOM in addition to being VERY sick. I didn't lose any weight. I didn't gain any either so that's a plus. Yes, I am bummed I didn't make it to see the 180s but, it was a really challenging week. It's been difficult emotionally. Most weeks TOM comes to visit, are emotional. I have been overwhelmed with things to do on top of adjusting to working Monday through Friday 12 to 6. I am just not used to working full time (yes, I realize it's not 40 hours), as I have been a sub for the last year and a half and a student before that. I have been completely exhausted and I feel like I am just trying to stay a float, rather than actually do some swimming. My daughter is sick, my husband is sick, my daughter has been up throughout the night this last week because she is sick, she has been waking up at 5 a.m., and we have had a LOAD of yard work to do to finally get our backyard finished. Specifically, my mom, Lily (my 21 month old) spent the weekend hauling 18 yards of dirt from my front sidewalk to my backyard. It was rough, let me tell you. And no, the non stop shoveling and dumping did not do anything for my weight loss, well maybe it's what kept me from gaining.

I didn't eat anything bad, I just wasn't counting calories. I would do a rough estimate but, I just didn't have the energy. I was so exhausted from being up in the nights I only made it to the gym a couple of times.

I am ready to feel better, ready to get back to normal. I honestly feel like the more I am ready for normalcy, the worse off I end up being. Maybe I just need to learn that I need to keep going no matter what comes my way. But, I feel like I am about to sink and I just don't know how much more I can do. Ugh!

Sorry for the downer. Hoping my family and I feel better soon.

Someone please give me some great news! I am tired of the bad news.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Weigh In Monday

This morning I weighed in at 190.6 pounds. Woohoo! I can't believe I am SO close to the 180s! I don't feel like I was in the 190s long at all. I hope I am in the 180s for the same amount of time or less for that matter. But, I need to just get there first. At some point it's going to get much harder for me to lose weight and I am bracing myself for that.

How did the week go despite my 3.4 pound lose? Terrible actually. I have no idea how I lost any weight and how I didn't GAIN weight! I had the intense craving for BREAD. So, I had about 3 pieces of 80 calorie a slice bread with real butter, just a bit though. The bread was really good healthy bread but, still, it was bread, bread that I should not have had. I also ate some food at my new job that I shouldn't have. I had a piece of pizza and a couple other things I don't remember exactly. The worse part about my week was I only made it to the gym once! Yikes! I seriously could not get out of bed. Part of that I discovered was I was getting sick. I am currently sick. It's awesome...NOT! I hate feeling sick, as I am sure everyone does. But, it happens every time I either start work after a break or in this case, start a new job. My daughter is sick too. It usually takes 3 weeks for our colds to go away. I also have a confession. Saturday night, I wasn't feeling well and just wanted some ice cream. So, I stopped at Dairy Queen and picked up 2 blizzards for my husband and me. They were smalls though and they were also so delicious and I don't regret it one bit! Ok...another confession. I also made no bake cookies and ate quite a few of them. So, as you can see, I really should have gain weight and I do not deserve such a great lose this week. I did notice that I thought about everything I ate and why I was eating it. I feel like that awareness says a lot. I wasn't just eating to eat.

During the week I, also, realized I have been way too hard on myself. I think that may have been part of the problem of why I was eating so poorly. I was tired of being so hard on myself, beating myself up over every little mistake. This week was definitely proof that I don't have to beat myself up. That I can have a couple indulgences and still make progress on my weight loss. But, most importantly I need to be aware of what I am eating and why. I need to be aware of the foods that I put into my body, what they are made of and approximately how many calories each food is worth. It's mindful eating and ultimately I would really like to live mindfully in every area of my life. All in due time.

I don't have much to say because I didn't really workout. The one day I did workout I did my normal weight training then running. I am up to week 7 in the C25K. I can't believe I can run for 25 minutes straight! I feel pretty proud of this feat! I am definitely doing my first 5K on July 10th AND I am highly considering doing my first 10K on 10/10/10. I LOVE running. It makes me feel so great about myself. It's such a mental thing for me and pushing through all my negativity I give myself in my head means so much to me. I am stronger than I have ever known myself to be and that is a great feeling.

There is only one more week in the 6 Week Weight Loss Challenge I joined up. I have a pretty good chance of winning the whole thing. I am super excited. I really have to NOT blow it this week. It's kind of hard to say for sure where I stand because a few people aren't weighing in. So, maybe they will all blow me out of the water next week at our final weigh in.

Ok well, here's to hitting the 180s tomorrow! I hope, I hope, I hope! I will try and do the same as I did when I entered into wonderland. We will see how time goes. It seems that I don't have much of it any more now that I am working full time.

How are all of you? How was your week? What indulgences do you allow yourself to have if any at all?