My Progress

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Friday, June 25, 2010

I am not sure what happened to me but, I have pretty much lost my motivation. I thought it was because I was sick and my family was sick and I was tired from starting my new job and from getting behind in my household duties. But, I am no longer sick and still haven't found my motivation again. I have went to the gym for an hour Monday through Thursday. I ate really well on Monday and then slowly I have made poor eating choices as the week has progressed. Now, here it is Friday. I did not go to the gym because I had a training session at 6 am and lost my keys and didn't find them in time to go. How frustrating is that?! I was mad! I wanted to go in before work but, my daughter was (still is) having some MAJOR diaper rash issues, more than a rash, she has a yeast infection. It's awful. She slept until 8:30 and she cuddled with me until 9:30 because she was in pain. My child needed me, I am fine with that. I told myself it was ok as long as I was right on with my eating. As the day progressed I wound up eating a cookie and some rice krispy treats. My dinner was bad too. I feel like I have no self-control. I eat the junk at the Children's Center. I am with my kids for lunch and afternoon snack. I have a hard time not partaking in the food when 20 people all around me are eating it. Even if I have brought my own food. I am hoping that writing all this out might help me gain some self-control and I will be able to start fresh on Monday. I am not sure what to do to gain back my self-control. I feel like I have been slipping for about 3 weeks now and if I keep going downhill I am just going to eventually wind up right where I started and I do NOT want that. But, I don't know how to find within me what it takes to make the better choices that I need to make, that I know I am capable of making when I am in the right mindset.

I think I just need to recommit. Commit to eating natural foods, healthful foods, and commit to staying away from simple carbs and sugar foods and processed foods. I was doing extraordinarily well, what happened to me? Maybe that's the thing, maybe I was doing TOO well that I crashed. Or am slowly crashing anyway. I feel like maybe I need a balance but, I have honestly no idea how to balance, I am generally and all or nothing type of girl.

And readers, I love your support and encouragement but, let's not sugar coat this. I am making bad choices. I don't want to read any comments about how I have been doing great and am too hard on myself. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I will admit that yes, sometimes I am too hard on myself. But, this time I am not. It is the reality. The reality is that I have made poor choices for absolutely no reason other than because I have no self-control to deny food that is being eatien in front of me. What's up with that? Frustrates me. I need to get this under control and fast.


  1. Hang in there! Maybe in your re-commitment, you should just vow to change one thing instead of trying to tackle them all. Give yourself one goal -- be it drink all your water, eat all your meals in (no dining out), getting five servings of fruit/veg, whatever it is. I often do this when I am struggling. If I can focus on one thing instead of the whole thing, I think I do better.

  2. I agree with Sarah, one thing at a time. There is a movie quote from the new Karate Kid that I just love and will soon be posting on. It goes "Your focus... needs more focus" Love it! But so true. Okay, here is the truth. You are a STRONG woman, who can be so DETERMINED, and can have WHATEVER she wants. But heres the hard part - you've got to do the work. You've got to make the choice, take the steps, and go for it. In the end, if you want real change - it's up to you! Time will pass whether you do this or not. But think how good you'll feel if you pick yourself up, dust of your hands and bum, and get to work. In a couple of weeks, you'll look back and wonder why it was so hard. You CAN do this, you just need to decide that it's worth it. (P.S. - It's TOTALLY worth it, as are you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

  3. Thank you ladies. I agree with the one thing at a time idea. I have only been messing up big time on eating extra things I shouldn't so my goal this week is to put a stop to that. Maybe I wasn't packing enough of my own food. So, I will try to bring more food with me to work.

    Sam, your words are exactly what I needed to be reminded of. I AM determined, I need to find that determination. It can't be buried too deep yet. I wasn't doing the work and I need to. Thank you for putting things into perspective for me. It was totally what I needed to read.

  4. well, food is tasty.
    I commit to a certain number of calories.
    If I want 1500 calories of rice crisppy treats..well, I eat 1500 calories of rice crispies treats.
    That being said...I rarely do that cause I would feel like crap and it would cause cravings.
    But sometimes you want a piece of cake.
    Good luck on working it all out.
    oh, and we all want to eat what's
    sometimes we do, and sometimes we don' self flagellation.