I am not sure what happened to me but, I have pretty much lost my motivation. I thought it was because I was sick and my family was sick and I was tired from starting my new job and from getting behind in my household duties. But, I am no longer sick and still haven't found my motivation again. I have went to the gym for an hour Monday through Thursday. I ate really well on Monday and then slowly I have made poor eating choices as the week has progressed. Now, here it is Friday. I did not go to the gym because I had a training session at 6 am and lost my keys and didn't find them in time to go. How frustrating is that?! I was mad! I wanted to go in before work but, my daughter was (still is) having some MAJOR diaper rash issues, more than a rash, she has a yeast infection. It's awful. She slept until 8:30 and she cuddled with me until 9:30 because she was in pain. My child needed me, I am fine with that. I told myself it was ok as long as I was right on with my eating. As the day progressed I wound up eating a cookie and some rice krispy treats. My dinner was bad too. I feel like I have no self-control. I eat the junk at the Children's Center. I am with my kids for lunch and afternoon snack. I have a hard time not partaking in the food when 20 people all around me are eating it. Even if I have brought my own food. I am hoping that writing all this out might help me gain some self-control and I will be able to start fresh on Monday. I am not sure what to do to gain back my self-control. I feel like I have been slipping for about 3 weeks now and if I keep going downhill I am just going to eventually wind up right where I started and I do NOT want that. But, I don't know how to find within me what it takes to make the better choices that I need to make, that I know I am capable of making when I am in the right mindset.
I think I just need to recommit. Commit to eating natural foods, healthful foods, and commit to staying away from simple carbs and sugar foods and processed foods. I was doing extraordinarily well, what happened to me? Maybe that's the thing, maybe I was doing TOO well that I crashed. Or am slowly crashing anyway. I feel like maybe I need a balance but, I have honestly no idea how to balance, I am generally and all or nothing type of girl.
And readers, I love your support and encouragement but, let's not sugar coat this. I am making bad choices. I don't want to read any comments about how I have been doing great and am too hard on myself. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I will admit that yes, sometimes I am too hard on myself. But, this time I am not. It is the reality. The reality is that I have made poor choices for absolutely no reason other than because I have no self-control to deny food that is being eatien in front of me. What's up with that? Frustrates me. I need to get this under control and fast.